Angry Teenagers – The Parenting Nightmare Nobody Warned You About

By Janhavi Desai|6 - 7 mins| April 07, 2020

Tips for Parents of Troubled Teens on How to Deal with Angry Teenagers. It’s been said that teenage is full of change and transformation that often leaves teenagers feeling off-balance and overwhelmed. There’s a stereotypical manner in which most teenagers behave irrespective of their socio-cultural backgrounds. This is because no matter where they come from, teenagers all go through the same biological changes in their bodies which bring about a predictable pattern of behaviour that’s almost right by the textbook on typical teenage behaviour.

Most of the time, parental reactions to teenage anger issues are equally predictable and disastrous. Here are a few tips for parents on dealing with angry teenagers.

Tips to Deal with Angry Teenagers

Understand Your Teenager

Anger and depression are two salient features of typical teenage behaviour all over the world. As people who have to deal with their aggression and stormy moods on a daily basis, it is important for parents to understand teenage anger causes. They say understanding the problem is half the solution. Once you go over the details of what is really happening in your teenage son or daughter’s body and mind, it will help bring things into perspective, hopefully making it easier to deal with them in general.

Caution: Your Kid is NOT a Younger You

Automatic comparison with your own teenage is what you’ll most likely experience when you read about what happens in a teenager’s mind. The most natural response is to see the logic behind your own behaviour as a teenager and find the same lacking in your child. Remember that your actions made sense to you back then and your child’s are probably making sense to him/her right now even though nobody else gets it. Your kid is a different person than you and will therefore deal with things differently. Don’t lose your cool because they aren’t being the way you may have been as a teenager.

Cut Them Some Slack

Parenting a teenager requires a certain kind of superpower – you need to hold off all natural and logical instincts when dealing with angry teenagers. There is an endless list of things you could do wrong, and it is longer than the list of things you can do right. The same applies to your child. The only difference is that your body isn’t struggling to cope with the surge of hormones that your kid’s body is being bombarded with. Believe it or not, they’re dealing with a lot even without your expectations from them. Read up on how to deal with teenage rage. Try spending some quality time with them and let them be alone if they prefer that; just ensure you’re as gentle as you can be with them without tolerating unacceptable, abusive or delinquent behaviour.

Check In On Them From Time To Time

Teenagers have a lot on their minds even when they’re not aware of it themselves. Most of these thoughts are so emotionally charged that they aren’t even sure of how they feel. To add to their troubles, they also expect themselves to behave like adults. The inability to understand their own emotions then ends up making them really angry, mostly at themselves and occasionally at any adults who offer to help because it feels patronizing to them. As long as your teen isn’t engaging in self-harm, it’s a good idea to give them a wide berth. Step in every once in a while to ask how they’re doing and let them know they can call on you if they need anything.

Don’t Be Pushy or Needy

Parents are generally concerned about their children; it is only natural that you’d be unable to be at peace when your children aren’t quite okay. However, when your child starts to grow older, you need to work out a balance between two simultaneous processes: withdrawing from their lives, thereby enabling them to be autonomous and being there just enough to be supportive but not enough to get in their way, thereby letting them have their space while ensuring they’re safe. It’s a rather complicated balance, but you still have it easier than your teen because you have the advantage of maturity. Don’t try to direct them towards solutions you can see to their problems unless asked, just stand by and let them figure it out on their own. Don’t keep fretting over their brooding and needing to know if they’re okay all the time or you might only add to their problems. It’s safe to assume that if they’re showing visible teenage anger and moodiness, they’re perfectly fine. It’s what teenagers do. It’s tough to watch but that’s what normal looks like at that age.

Know Common Teenage Behaviour Problems

Teenage in modern times often brings unwelcome guests like depression and anxiety along and there’s almost nothing you can do but watch. Luckily, you’re the most likely to notice any signs of these guests if your teenager is having to deal with them. The signs aren’t obvious, though, so you’ll need to know what to look for and what not to take too seriously. For example, teenage aggression towards mothers isn’t uncommon. Everyone and their brother will have a million things to tell you about what’s normal and your best bet is to trust nobody but a professional. If you have the slightest doubt that something may be amiss, seek out a counsellor and ask them what to do when your teenager is out of control and ways to help teenagers handle their anger. This helps more than you’d think.

Keep Help Handy

Even if things aren’t serious enough for you to feel the need to see a counsellor about your teenager, make sure you have a reliable support system in place to help you keep steady through your child’s teen years. Help for troubled teens is a necessity, but so is help for parents of troubled teens. Make sure you have someone you can turn to in difficult times. Parents of your teenage son or daughter’s friends, who may be may be coping with an angry teenager too, might be ideal as long as your interaction with them doesn’t adversely affect your children’s friendship. If it does so within reasonable limits, be the first to step back and let your child know that you’re willing to do so if it troubles them.

All in all, parenting a teenager is like walking on a tightrope while juggling flaming torches. The trick is to find and maintain a precarious balance, all without stressing yourself out too much. As your teenage son or daughter would put it, “Just chill.” Make sure you’ve got your teenager survival kit ready and stand by. Things will get better as they grow older no matter how bad it looks at the moment.


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About The Author:

Janhavi Desai

Last Updated: Tue Apr 07 2020

This disclaimer informs readers that the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the above blog/article text are the personal views of the author, and not necessarily reflect the views of SchoolMyKids. Any omission or errors are the author's and we do not assume any liability or responsibility for them.
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